I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize