I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The feeling are messing with the penis
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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