You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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