how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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