we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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