how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Randomize
