is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
