At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
