2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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