I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
