First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
