that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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