It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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