Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
