Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
