so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
