His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
