drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
