I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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