i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
