hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I am one with the molecules
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
