I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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