pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
