I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
