Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
