i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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