I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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