Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
