the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
