I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
