I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize