My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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