She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
