i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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