I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
