i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
how does that bad decision feel?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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