When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just want nice things and good sex
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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