Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
