plz talk dirty to me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
