Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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