I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
