hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
