I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
that may or may not have been my penis.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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