My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
