Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
