nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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