im having a threesome with these popsicles
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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