Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
