I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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