champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
