Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
