Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
