Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
