I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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