I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
