Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
