There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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