i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
