i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
