I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
