I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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