just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
