Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
