I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
did you just send me my own nude
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
