Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
