i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
